For Funeral
I did no advance planning or writing for the A to Z Challenge. I've just trusted that the universe will provide inspiration. On Saturday I attended a funeral for a neighbor. During the service a light bulb went off in my head and I realized that funeral started with "F."
I haven't attended many funerals. Since my family immigrated to the US when I was small, I had no extended family in the US. I missed out on all that funeral pageantry when an aging relative dies. When I attend a funeral now, I feel rather like an anthropologist exploring a foreign culture. This was especially true at Saturday's service held at the "Cowboy Church," which is a store front in a strip mall on highway 395. The room in the back held rows of second-hand chairs and an overhead garage door. The minister, a woman, (apparently in Cowboy Church culture females lead the worship) managed to get the name of the deceased wrong, but covered nicely. Ten minutes in to the service a young relative arrived. She walked through the crowd to the front to sit with the rest of the family, carrying a small dog. Was I supposed to bring a dog? I just don't know the cultural expectations, but looking at the crowd I realized that I wasn't the only one who didn't know funeral guidelines.
The woman who died was a lovely person. I wish ministers who conduct services did a better job of actually celebrating the life of the deceased.
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Sorry for the loss of your neighbor. I have attended funerals where I wondered why no one was talking or reminiscing about the deceased. Funerals usually turn into a gathering of people who haven’t seen each other for a while, so there is more catching up with each other going on rather than eulogizing.
ReplyDeleteI like your observations of the “Cowboy Church”.
It's been only a few weeks since I went to the "Celebration of Life" for my sister. But as for an actual funeral, I haven't been to one in a long time.
ReplyDeleteI have been going to too many funerals lately. The ones held in churches were not about the deceased, but rather about preaching to the captive audience. Others, held elsewhere, were true celebrations of that person's life. All of them were difficult, but it is the circle of life.
ReplyDeleteUnfortunately, now there are so many people who have no relationship with a religious organization, and so rely on someone who is an outsider to conduct a funeral or service or remembrance. The presiding official relies on people who knew the deceased for information about them and often the result is a service that is disappointing. It helps when there are people who had a personal relationship are able and willing to speak about them -- but this is often too emotionally fraught...
ReplyDeleteUnless the person leading the service is actually familiar with the deceased person, or someone has given them detailed notes, it's easy for the service to seem off, cowboy church, or otherwise.
ReplyDeleteI think it is because the ministers usually don't know these people at all. I would like to think that the people who loved this lovely lady for have gotten up and spoken. But sometimes that is hard to do
ReplyDeleteOh, I so agree that the life of the deceased should because else rated at a funeral, either by the minister or a family member. I remember when people dressed up to go to a funeral and now it seems anything goes:( Happy you had a "lightbulb" moment for the A to Z while at the funeral:)
ReplyDeleteAn interesting funeral. The best funeral I ever attended was my mother's; I may write a post about it. I think it was perfect; no dog, but I wore a sheepskin vest and distributed all the boots in the house to attendees.
ReplyDeleteI know this may sound strange to some people, but I think funerals should be taken care of by the family. In our church the bishop of the congregation presides and conducts the meeting if asked, but the family provides the speakers and musical numbers, unless there are no family members to do so--in which case members of the congregation who knew the deceased are asked to help. It's like an extended family. The amazing thing is, this is the way funerals are conducted across the world in my church, yielding to local traditions.
ReplyDeleteFunerals are strange affairs. I'm sure there's some kind of etiquette for them, but for the life of me I've never been able to figure it out. Do you cry? Do you tell jokes? Should you celebrate their life or grieve their passing? It's all pretty rough. I've been to a few funerals and I don't know what to say. The one thing that always bothers me is going to a funeral and having the person's life become a footnote to a pastor telling us to embrace a particular belief or spend eternity in suffering.
ReplyDeleteI went to a memorial service on Saturday. The husband of a teacher friend died almost two months ago. This was a ceremony of life, no minister on hand. There was singing, and family stories, and a military flag presentation and the playing of Taps. It was nice.
ReplyDeleteFunerals are an interesting cultural phenomenon aren't they? Here in Utah most of the funerals I've attended are presided over by Mormon bishops. Nearly all of them have felt very impersonal to me, more about the religion's beliefs in the afterlife than the person. I was very involved in my planning my sister's funeral, but I don't have very clear memories of it. It all seemed very surreal. I didn't speak. I knew I wouldn't be able to talk without sobbing. I sometimes wish I would have, but I pay tribute to her through my writing.
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