What I Don't Know About the Golden Years Could Fill a Book

I’ve heard people lament that newborns don’t come with operating instructions. Senior citizens don’t have a guide either. I’m not sure when one actually becomes eligible for senior citizen status, but since I recently retired I’m pretty sure that I meet the criteria. I receive monthly communications from AARP and I can get the senior discount on Tuesday’s from Ross Dress for Less. No one has yet to question my right to the senior meal at Denny’s. Yep, I must be a senior citizen with all the rights and privileges that status confers. I am still, however, bumbling around trying to maximize this senior experience. AARP magazine hasn’t warned me of all of the dangers I will face in my golden years.


I got new glasses last week, bifocals. I really need glasses only to read, but I dislike constantly taking them on and off, so bifocals seemed the logical choice. Here’s the catch with bifocals that no one told me, as you adjust to focusing through bifocal lenses, it throws off your depth perception. I took two hard falls last Friday before I realized that my glasses were a problem. The first fall I landed on my left knee and my cheekbone. The left side of my face looks like I should be taking up residence in a domestic violence shelter. After a week my purple eye and cheek are fading to shades of green and lavender. Unfortunately my husband did not make this trip to Austin with me so I couldn’t play up the humor potential of this situation.

I finally have those sculpted high cheekbones that I’ve always wanted…well, make that cheekbone. At least the swelling fills out the crows feet.

What else am I going to learn the hard way about aging in America?