Door To Door Salvation

Since I retired I spend a lot of time at home…puttering around the house and not accomplishing much. Today I was trying to figure out how to transfer a retirement account and was spending quality time watching The View while I listened to hold music on the telephone. (They really wanted to talk to me, but all representatives were busy with other callers!)


The doorbell rang a little after 10:00 while I continued waiting for the next available representative and the Octomom showed up on The View, but that’s another whole subject. I opened the door to two middle aged women in calf-length dresses. One was carrying a well-worn book that looked suspiciously like a bible. I was going to say that was my first clue, but the sensible clothing was really my first clue. Joanne and Clair were visiting me to share some good news from the bible.

I politely said “ I‘m not interested”

…and, since religion is one of my hot, hot buttons, it really was an Oscar worthy effort for me to sound like I sincerely appreciated their efforts spreading the word of our Lord savior Jesus Christ while gently closing the door.

Clair immediately responded “YOU’RE NOT INTERESTED IN THE BIBLE?”

Clair’s performance would not even rate a People’s Choice nomination. I could hear the judgment in her comment…I was going directly to hell.

I channeled my inner Barrymore.

“Oh, of course,” I replied “I am just solidly grounded in my own faith.” I touched my hand to my heart and smiled and nodded my head. I considered adding something like “May the Lord continue to bless your work as you carry His word to my heathen neighbors,” but that might have been overkill. It was a subtle performance.

Now where did I put that bible…yeah, right!