Saturday, May 21, 2011

The End is Near

Today is supposed to be the end of the world, at 6:00 pm eastern time. Apparently the first thing to go is the Internet, as I tried to get in to blogger to post my pre-rapture plans I kept getting the message that “Internet Explorer cannot display the web page.” We still have cable TV service so I’m relying on CNN for news of the second coming. Jesus is running a little late because it is now 6:10 eastern and there has been no breaking news of the faithful being sucked skyward.

I spent my last day on earth cleaning out the cupboards in my utility room. If Jesus shows up, even a little late, I’m sure he will be impressed with my newly cleaned and organized cupboards. I have several boxes of crap  Goodwill-worthy items to donate. I also have two plastic storage boxes of miscellaneous cables and plugs from electronics that I am afraid to discard. As soon as I toss an XYZ connector device the spouse will be asking “Where did you put the plug to my XYZ?”

It is difficult to decide what is important to keep and what can be discarded. I kept the set of Christmas dishes, but moved them into a box to store in the garage. I kept both my remote controlled helicopters…duh! There was an entire shelf of vases saved from floral arrangements. I don’t think I am busting any perceptions if I say that I am no Martha Stewart. I don’t spend my afternoons in my cutting garden preparing fresh arrangements for my dinner parties. Why do I keep all these vases? I put all but two large and two small in the Goodwill box. Sorry Jesus, no fresh flowers for your second coming.

I'm still working on the pantry cupboard.  There's a part of me that likes a fully stocked pantry...and there's another part of me that recognizes that we frequently don't get around to eating items from the pantry before they are years out of date.  Is it safe to eat Hamburger Helper from 2003?  I guess that's a dumb question.  It probably wasn't smart to eat Hamburger Helper in 2003, but it seemed like a good idea at the time.

I have made a vow to not buy cleaning products until all the half empty bottles and cans are all gone.  That may be a long time since cleaning has never been one of my favorite things to do.

It is now several hours after the apocalypse was prophesied to begin.  I guess it's time to order my "I survived the apocalypse of 2011" T-shirt.


  1. Oh my, glad to know this too passed and here we are still with budget woes. How are you doing?

  2. Some of my favorite quotes about today say things like if you can't think of a great Rapture joke, don't worry, it's not the end of the world. :-)

  3. It must have been another mathematical miscalculation...

  4. You don't think we coulda missed it, do you?

  5. Watch out for that hamburger helper!! Now that t-shirt idea may make you a few bucks :) LOL

  6. Wait... what?? This is the first I'm hearing of Rapture Day being today. How did I miss a thing like that?

    Glad it's come and gone, 'cause I am so not ready. My closets are a mess.

  7. "The faithful being sucked skyward." LOL!

    Good idea about the vases. In my house, I'm the only one that can part with anything, so we have minimalist me and Forever Collecting Art.

  8. I can totally relate to this post. My goal is to get all the expired cans and boxes on my shelves. I guess way back in 2004, I thought it would be good to cook so I stocked up on some things. The idea never really took hold, so everything is still there.

    Does retirement mean that we have to now tackle those closets and cupboards?

    By the way, I'm still here and it is now 9:17 MDT.

  9. Retirement means that there will be time to do it tomorrow. Today's for doing whatever we want.

  10. Order a T-shirt for me, Jann! Funny article...I enjoyed it!

  11. I wonder if Jesus likes Hamburger Helper.

    Great post. You had me laughing from start to finish. Glad to hear I wasn't the only one left behind.

  12. Another rapture come and gone...
    Why do so many people actually buy off on these things?


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