Saturday, August 20, 2011

Forty Years Ago Today



Earlier this week I read a lovely tribute that a blogging friend had written about her marriage on the occasion of her anniversary.  You can read it here.  Because I try to be open to the messages that the Universe sends me, I realized that it was a reminder that my own anniversary was approaching. 

The spouse and I have never been sentimental about our anniversary.  Most years we would forget all about it until the anniversary card from my mother would arrive in the mail.  She always decorated the envelopes with anniversary greetings and drawings of flowers, so the mailman always knew it was our anniversary before we did.  My mother died four years ago and now no one remembers, so it’s nice that the Universe has stepped up to prod my memory.   

Today the spouse and I have been married forty years.  Forty years!  I have been married for two-thirds of my life!  I’ve spend as much time married as Moses spent wandering in the desert!

The traditional fortieth anniversary gift is ruby.  I won’t be holding my breath waiting for that to arrive.

The spouse and I married in Granada Hills, California at the Catholic church that I had attended as a child.  I was Catholic by birth, meaning that my mother had made me attend church every Sunday and Catechism classes every Wednesday night until I escaped to college.  The spouse and I met with the priest the night before the wedding because the spouse was a heathen.  Since I had attended those Catechism classes every Wednesday, I knew that anyone who wasn’t Catholic was a heathen, but I loved him and wanted to marry him even though he was probably going to spend eternity in Limbo which, if I recall correctly, isn’t such a bad place except Jesus never hangs out there.   It’s definitely a D List location.

The wedding party gathered at the church the evening before the ceremony to rehearse.  The priest asked to meet with us alone for a few minutes in his study before the rehearsal.  He asked the spouse, “Do you commit to raising your children Catholic?”   …and there was an uncomfortable silence in the room until I jumped in with “I thought the Vatican changed the rules and didn’t require non-Catholics to agree to that?”  And five minutes before our families were scheduled to join us at the rehearsal the priest says, “Then I don’t think I can marry you in good conscience.”  Do they learn those blackmail techniques in priest school?  The spouse and I sign that we will raise our yet to be conceived children Catholic.

On August 21, 1971 we married in a small ceremony in front of friends and family.  The priest wore Kelly green socks and sandals under his long flowing vestments and the wedding party got a case of the giggles when the priest pulled out a plastic squeeze bottle of holy water and spritzed the rings held out by our best man.  Perhaps he was warding off demons.   
At our meeting the night before the priest had told us that it wouldn’t be appropriate for us to kiss at the end of the marriage ceremony.  We did it anyway, so between that and not raising our children Catholic, I’m probably joining my life partner in Limbo.  We marched out of the church to the organ playing the tune made famous by the Carpenters in a bank commercial, “We’ve Only Just Begun.”  Grab the Kleenex and click the link below...

I dug out my wedding album this evening to look for a picture to accompany this post.  I hadn’t looked at the pictures in years.  We were all so young and all the men had so much hair!  It is hard to believe that forty years have gone by so quickly.  Forty years, two children, two grandchildren and a lifetime of memories and it still feels like we’ve only just begun.

19 comments:

  1. Many congratulations - and may you and the spouse emjoy ignoring many more anniversaries.

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  2. Happy Forty Years together! I love those pictures, too. The guys do look awfully hairy, compared to the styles of today, even if time hadn't worked its magic on them. Congratulations and thanks so much for sharing the memory.

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  3. Happy anniversary!
    I remember something about promises made under duress being exempt from God's punishment.

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  4. Lovely post Nana, and lovely pictures. My parents would have reached 40 years this year had they not got divorce :0( They are starting again and will reach their 2 week anniversary tomorrow. Sure there is a blog post in there somewhere.
    Mrs M
    Still having comment issues with blogger!

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  5. Congratulations!
    What a beautiful, innocent, very Californian looking wedding party you all made. It's really mind-boggling to think back to then, isn't it? Didn't you feel as if you were ALL GROWN UP AND ADULT and knew just what you were doing?
    S'prise! :-P

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  6. Thank you for all your good wishes. I just realized that our anniversary is really tomorrow, the 21st! Guess I still need my mother to send me a card.

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  7. Congratulations on your 40th! I can readily understand why it feels like you're still just beginning. Time goes by so fast! I love those pictures! So lovely and so evocative of a very different time. My husband and I -- who married in a public park in 1977 with a non-denominational minister dressed in monk's robes (so as not to scandalize the Catholics in the family) -- laugh when we look at our wedding pictures and how much hair he used to have, too! I hope you break precedence and have a nice celebration tomorrow!

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  8. Oh well.
    Better you got it a day early than a day late. ;-)

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  9. I loved this post. When I saw the photo, I said to myself, "Look at that. They look so fresh and young and cute." You had me totally laughing at your comparison to how long you've been married. Congratulations!

    Times have really changed in 40 years, and I guess you and your spouse have to, but isn't nice to know that you have made it in spite of the limitations that the priest tried to put on you? I could just see you asking that question. Here's to many more years together.

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  10. A delightful post. loved your naughty Catholic humor.

    We will celebrate number 49 in September. I well remember thinking there was no way we would see our 50th since Bob would be 80 and that would be ancient. He looks pretty good to me these days. I believe he should easily make it to 80.

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  11. A great post. Humour, a bit (a tiny bit) of nostalgia, and a recognition (coming through the lines) that it has mostly been good. I'm sure everybody has a niggle here or there.

    Congratulations on the big 40 and many more happy returns of the day!

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  12. Love this post, and the wedding pics! Congratulations!

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  13. My goodness, aren't you stunning? And if there is any justice, it'll be the priest held in limbo, not you two. Happy 40th, looks like you made the right choice, eh?

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  14. Happy Anniversary! I love these pictures of the younger you. Forty years is amazing. Hoping your next years together are everything you want from them. Maybe you should go buy your own ruby?

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  15. We've only just begun, indeed!

    Congratulations on all the years together.

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  16. Ah, so sweet! Congratulations! It seems every day, "we've only just begun" huh? Love the photos!

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  17. Happy anniversary! Loved the pics, reminds me of how young I used to be!

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  18. Congratulations to the both of you! We are very close to the same age I think. The styles in the photos make that pretty clear. I'm happy to hear that you've had a long life together!

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  19. I have been married since May 1974, my husband is jewish and we had a lutheran minister marry us at a lovely tiny church in north las vegas, nevada, we never raised our daughter catholic like I was forced to be raise..nor jewish she is open to all faiths, kind and loving..Most people thought I was with child never had our only child until november 1977 we are happy as can be, our daughter is happy, that stuff about raising your child catholic or future children catholic to me is ridiculous one of the reasons I life the catholic church at 18 became an Episcopalian and have accepted all people as children of God..My sister in law is the same age as you and married in 1970..still married and happy, her oldest child joined the catholic church and went a little overboard in that religion costing him a lovely wife and his two kids, she remarried and is happier, the youngest brother is just plain sweet as sugar and accepts all human beings and their faith..so to me religion is a crutch to some and an arrow to others, it to me is how you actually treat someone that counts to the good Lord..Happy anniversary..Happy Halloween, ciao

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