I got to try out my new winter hat today. It has turned cold and I bundled up before venturing outside to tidy up the flower beds for the winter ahead. My friend Shawn and I attended a craft fair in Spokane a few weeks ago and I found two different hand knit hats. I love hats, but they look better on other people. I wish I could carry off wearing a hat and looking stylish. Instead I ...well, I can't think of a good simile. I look like a pinhead.
The last time I worked in the flower beds I was surprised by a snake.
"What kind of snake was it?" the spouse asks me. Like I'm some sort of snake identification expert in my spare time.
"How the hell do I know...It was a SNAKE!!!"
I do tend to believe that all my questions can be answered on the Internet, so I googled "snake identification." Several websites have tools to assist in identifying your snakes, but this is perhaps a better idea in concept than in practice. (Try it yourself here.)
The identification process starts off pretty easy. There are pictures of two snakes and you have to select which one looks most like your snake. Second question, rattles or no rattles? Again, pretty easy. Third question: longitudinal stripes or no stripes? My snake had stripes. Fourth question: belly with four brown stripes running the length of the body or belly without stripes.
Wait a minute! I have to pick up the snake, turn it over, and look for stripes!!!
The only way this identification process is going to work for me is if I've chopped off the serpent's head with my shovel, and, let's get real here, if I were brave enough to slay a snake and not run screaming in terror, why would I care what kind of dead snake it was?
One more thing to worry about. I'll be found dead in the garden from a snake bite and I'll be wearing my new hat and the emergency response people will stare at my lifeless corpse and remark "Wow, look at her pinhead!"
Update: I wrote this a few weeks ago just as the weather was turning cold. Today is the official first day of winter and it's cold every day now. I've taken to wearing my hat all the time...even in the house. The spouse says I look like a homeless person...yeah, he's full of complements, that one! I'm not worrying about looking like a pinhead; I just want to be warm! One good thing about winter...it slows down the snakes!
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This post has really brightened my day. I laughed all the way through it! I'm completely with you as far as snakes are concerned -- as well as wearing what ever will keep you warm -- indoors or out!
ReplyDeleteHow much fun is that? No, I guess we didn't have any fun with the snake and you probably still don't know what kind it was. I had to laugh at the pinhead concept. I know what you mean, I always look like that after I take my hat off after wearing it on a hike. Plastered down hair isn't very fashionable. :-)
ReplyDeleteAfter years of ear muffs I found a great hat. A courderoy baker's boy. it has a big pouffy top that holds a lot of warm air. I may still look like a pin head (can't tell from my side), but the head is warm. Thanks for the chuckle.
ReplyDeleteToo funny! Thank you for starting my day with a smile!
ReplyDeleteColder and drier, even here at the coast. I have had to bundle up just to walk around the block. We shouldn't complain though, as the folks out East will tell us a thing or two about cold.
ReplyDeleteHappy Holidays.
I, too, enjoyed a good chuckle with this story. I must admit I was wondering about the snake . . . our ground is frozen and there aren't many snakes to be found! I'm glad you added that the post was written earlier. :)
ReplyDeleteI also adore hats, but hate the smushed hair thing! It has to be really cold for me to put a hat on my head. I'm quite fond of scarves and hoods though!
Happy Warm Head Days to you!
My mother-in-law was terrified of snakes and her husband told her on their honeymoon not to worry because snakes couldn't climb stairs, and they lived upstairs. She believed this to the day she died.
ReplyDeleteOh my goodness Jann, I cannot stop laughing right now. Some super fun visual in this whole post. I hardly believe you look like a pinhead in your hat but you definitely made me laugh out loud for real :-)
ReplyDeleteMerry Christmas!
What a great post, even for someone like me, who has an irrational fear of snakes. I would never go to a snake identifying website!
ReplyDeleteThanks for your comment on my Year in Review post. I agree with you about people being able to keep up with me through my blog. Although, if I'd been smarter I would have started my blog under a pseudonym so I could write more about people I know.
I hope you have a great holiday!
trekking your amazing blog! keep blogging! happy holidays!
ReplyDeletecheers!
...TREK...
I'm a pinhead too - laughed all through this. What your spouse said!
ReplyDeleteYou never know. I know a homeless person and I never would have guessed.
If you find a hat that looks good on you, let me know where you found it.
Great story, but I would have never recognized you from the picture!
ReplyDeleteThat was funny! Even though there are snakes in our area (including rattlers), we seldom see any. That is just fine with me!
ReplyDeleteI'm literally falling off my chair laughing at this post! I had to print a copy for my scrapbook, the one I keep with all funny stories to read whenever I have one of "those days." This is a classic!
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